Quote 20 Apr
I either just saw a fat lady in camouflage or a bush eating an ice cream cone
— Wife
Chat 18 Apr My wife likes my meat
  • Me (unbelievably hungry): Sweetie, what do you say to dinner?
  • Wife: I'm so glad you're dead...now I can eat you
Quote 18 Apr
What is a nicer way to call someone an ignorant misinformed twat?
— Wife
Quote 3 Apr
We really should have a threesome, that way after we can both send someone else to go make us sandwiches.
— Wife
Quote 1 Apr 2 notes
I am going to molest you with cuddles
— Wife
Quote 30 Mar
Wife: I do have some sense
Me: Where do you keep it
Wife (while looking sheepishly adorable): …In…you…
Quote 30 Mar 1 note
Me: What’s the web address for yahoo questions?
Wife: I don’t know, Google it
Quote 30 Mar
What in the crispy buttery biscuit fuck are you doing?
— Wife
Quote 29 Mar
I can’t be the fairy godmother of happiness to every single person floating around in cyberspace.
— Wife
Quote 28 Mar 1 note
Me: Jesus take the wheel
Wife: cuz I’m lazy and I want to take a nap

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